24

This is the year....

for knowing myself again...


pursuing new goals...


meeting new people...


and laughing twice as much as the last.


Here goes it!

the beginnings of a beautiful thing

12 years ago a man walked into the room with what would become the love of my life. It was just shy of two feet long and made of this rich, deep red wood. When it was put in my hands my life was forever changed.

The attraction was instant. I finally had something that was mine. Only mine. It felt like home everytime I touched it. It was something I could work at and get personal gratification knowing it was something I earned. I practiced hard, I wanted to know it inside and out. I started taking private lessons and joined orchestras and over the next several years this process continued.

I decided that music was my calling and I would teach music for the rest of my life. I enrolled in the local community college as a music major and hit the ground running. I did two years of intensive theory and ear training, killed myself in private lessons, joined several ensembles, picked up more instruments and wore myself thin (literally and figuratively). I grew to hate it. All the pressure and competitiveness became a lot to handle and I started to fade.

It is still a place I call home and will always be a part of my life. When things are falling apart, I can pick it up and the world slowly fades away. It's something in my life that has always been good to me and never fails to be comforting. But I have come to learn that I only love it when I can do it on my terms. I lose the joy when it becomes forced and I can't handle hating it.

Today I officially changed my major to elementary education. I have a passion for children, it's one place in life I know things fit. I am just naturally good with them and people around me comment on it all the time. But a part of me feels like I've given up on something, like I've quit and wasn't good enough to continue. I know kindergarten is where I belong and I'm very excited about it but the transition is a little tough. It means starting over and that's a scary thought.

So now the rest of my life will be spent seeing things through the eyes of children. It will be full of crayons, finger paints, bubbles, scraped knees, tiny tears, counting, the alphabet, show-and-tell, loose teeth, and class pets. I will be adored by tiny faces that will never have any idea how much I adore them.

Kindergarten here I come!!! :D





"i fall asleep and dream of alternate realities"

what is it about the thing you can't have....

or is bad for you....

that makes you want it sooooo much more!?